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Sunday, July 14, 2019

How do I tell you how much I love you? Is it even possible to put those kind of feelings into actual words? Using quotes from Shakespeare won't suffice. Poems from our favorite books don't measure up. I'm the one who uses words to get through life and here I am, completely stuck in the middle of the cheesiest field of flowers and corny love songs playing in the distance. I mean, how am I supposed to get across the feeling of my heart fluttering every single time you lift that damn gorgeous eyebrow of yours that sits so perfectly over those green (sometimes blue) eyes that make me want to dramatically melt into a pile of love goop? You know that drives me crazy so you do it at times where I cannot publicly react like I just described. And sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it and it makes me shake. How can I let you know that I love you so much that the simplest things you do give me a reason to be happy every day? And that's the thing; these days aren't promised to us so I try to memorize everything I can about you. I watch you like I'm studying - but not like I'm studying in high school because we all know that I did the bare minimum to pass. I study you like I'm going to lose my mind (which I kind of am - thank you public healthcare for being on top of that one).
The way you kneel down to kids and animals so you're at eye level makes me know that you care. You care that they understand what's going on and that you're not above anyone, even if you stand a good six inches above most people. Or the way your eyes light up when you're having a genuine conversation with someone. I never got that expression before you. I never understood how someone's eye could "light up". And I could watch yours sparkle for the rest of my life. You want to learn about the most random things. Our trips to museums on your only day off during the week are what I look forward to. I have a horrible memory to begin with, but when we go, I don’t pay much attention to what’s around us. Just you. Seeing you stop to read every single sign going “that’s so cool” or “babe, did you know that?” And I’ll say no, touch something I shouldn’t, you’ll grab me around my waist and go onto the next exhibit. I've learned that you pull away from me because that's what you're used to with people. But I also know that you can't go a day without spending a few minutes just holding me because I ground you. You swear that you don't dance, but the moment I get close to you, we're swaying around the kitchen. Those hiccups you get everyday are the loudest thing I have ever heard but they're part of the routine. My cat has become yours, that you can sit and play with for hours. You tuck me into bed every night and if we don't go to bed in each other's arms, it's the worst night of sleep. When you get sad, you bury your head into the crook of my neck. Dinosaurs are our thing and we've talked about getting matching tattoos. When I get self conscious about wearing my mask, you do the dorkiest thing so people are distracted by you and not me. You make me feel like the luckiest woman everyday of my life when you send me five back to back texts telling me every way that you love me. We're practically attached at the hip and wouldn't have it any other way. Everyone that knew you before me likes to say what they know about you or how they know you so well, but they don't know you like I do. You're my best friend, B. And now that you've asked me to marry you, you're going to be my husband and I get to memorize you for the rest of our lives.
I love you, B.

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