here i am.

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Sunday, July 14, 2019

Everyone always knew what they wanted to be when they grew up - even if their plans changed as often as they washed their hands - they always had an answer. When I was asked this, honestly, I just pulled something out of my ass each time. A teacher, a forensic psychologist, a dietitian, a photojournalist. Teaching couldn't happen because I cannot stand talking to a group of people. The amount of school it takes to be a regular psychologist was just too much for me to handle. I have mast cell activation syndrome, so being a dietitian was a little too silly. Being a photojournalist was the closest thing I could come up with to what my heart actually skipped a beat for. I always wanted to tell a story and create that illustration for the reader. I told people that I would want to write a book with my own photos scattering the pages or even write for the National Geographic. This is still a dream for me. I never thought that these things could ever come true. Nobody ever really pushed me towards anything or showed much interest, so why should I? So here I am - 25 years old and just barely starting to believe in myself. But here I am. The point being that I am actually here, no matter how long it took. I no longer panic when I think about the future. It's all about making it through the day and surviving. Being able to take that breath when I wake up is a blessing in itself and reminds me that I don't have to have everything figured out. It is okay to just be, and everything will fall into place as it's supposed to.
Not that anyone is ever going to ask me what I want to be when I grow up anymore, I would just say that I want to create. I want to make up stories, capture memories, have babies, and be happy. Hopefully, one day, the nine to five job would be no longer and I can do this with B right by side. No. Let me take that back - it will happen. I'm going to no longer let this be just a dream, but instead a goal. So expect a lot more from me. Lots of lifestyle posts, some stories here and there and a ton of pictures. I'm excited to share with you and start this next chapter of my life.

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